Wade Making Real Recovery

JAMES WADE is battling back from illness that saw him admitted to The Priory — on SUICIDE WATCH.

The World No4 opened his heart to SunSport and revealed he has clinical depression, bipolar and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Wade has shown remarkable courage to continue playing in the Premier League live on TV, just weeks after leaving the high-profile clinic.
But off the oche the 28-year-old has been winning a much more important battle — and now believes he can still be world champion.
He said: "On my birthday a year ago I stayed in bed all day and cried — I wanted to have a heart attack, I wanted to die.

"My life and mental condition was a rollercoaster and my ability to compete suffered.
"I always knew even when I was 11 or 12 that I was different.
"I had a very different outlook on life to other kids and I remember even asking my mum and dad if I was disabled mentally.
"I just always have had crazy mood swings.
"One minute I'd be hyper happy, the next I wanted to die.
"But now I'm more consistent and in control of my moods.
"Now I'm able to rationalise things instead of just flying off the handle. I could turn the smallest problems into a catastrophe all on my own.
"The pressure of darts, money, family all gets to me.
"But I've learned to deal with everything better and not make the slight setbacks seem like the end of the world."
Wade — the most successful player in PDC history other than Phil Taylor with six major titles — eventually saw his form slump along with his psychological state. Earlier in the year he had split with Soccer AM's Helen Chamberlain and moved out of the house they shared — admitting that had affected him badly.
However, he won two more majors — the Grand Prix and Championship League beating Adrian Lewis and Taylor — but he soon deteriorated.
In the Grand Slam final he threw away an 8-0 lead to lose to Scott Waites, and crashed out of the World Cup with Taylor.
He suffered a shock second-round world championship loss to unknown Aussie Mensur Suljovic.
Wade said: "That was the final straw. I was so happy I'd gone out, I couldn't take it any more.
"I knew I needed help. I'd been seeing a psychiatrist from time to time — but I knew I needed 24-hour attention. My manager had already looked up The Priory, but I just said I had to get help immediately. I was desperate. It was December 29 and I remember my dad driving me to The Priory.
"I asked him what he thought, he just said 'I want my real son James back'. That hit me hard.

"Initially they told me to come back in three days as there weren't enough docs because it was the New Year. But after we'd left I simply couldn't wait and demanded to go back.
"When I went back they asked 'Are you going to kill yourself?'.
"I replied 'I'd like to but I don't know if I have the bottle'.
"They placed me on suicide amber watch and admitted me immediately.
"Within 24 hours I'd gone from being on stage live on TV in the world championship to The Priory.
"I think most people think rehab is some place showbiz celebs go to and chill out. It's actually hard work.
"I had a timetable of classes examining every sort of mind condition.
"Someone follows you and checks you every 15 minutes. It's a very intense place.
"There's no glass mirrors, no radiators and no curtain strings or anything you could use to hang or kill yourself."
Wade spent 28 days under supervision and it has worked wonders — but every day is still a battle.
He added: "I'm happier now than I've ever been. At The Priory they spent a lot of time balancing the drugs I take to keep the chemical balance in my mind right.
"Now I'm just on one tablet a day which keeps my moods positive.
"There were times I was on the wrong drugs.
"For the first seven weeks of the Premierseason they were too strong. I was like a zombie on stage.
"After that was sorted I started to play better and just missed out on qualifying."
Wade is now settled back in his hometown Aldershot with new girlfriend Gemma.
He said: "I like being at home. This is my sanctuary with Gem and out the dogs, I'm happiest there.
"Every day's still a battle. I still fear going back to the dark old days. But I'm getting there.
"Even last year, which was so tough off-stage, "I won two majors and it was my most successful financially.
"After some matches I've gone home and cried because of the abuse. But I have to learn to deal with this and hopefully as I become stronger I will.
"A couple more major titles and a world championship win would be great